When Being Nice Is Not Enough.

I have been thinking about this for a few days now, but this thought really began on Tuesday morning, September 22, 2026. When I woke up that morning, I picked up my phone and the first Bible verse that appeared on my Bible app was Galatians 1:10 (NIV):

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

I paused….

Sometimes a verse doesn’t just speak to you—it makes you stop and look at yourself. And that morning, I started thinking about something very simple: Am I sometimes trying so hard to be nice that I am no longer being truthful?

Because there is a difference between being nice and being kind.

We live in a world that often tells us to avoid discomfort, avoid confrontation, don’t offend anyone, keep the peace, and let everyone believe whatever they want. And there is certainly nothing wrong with being gentle, gracious, patient and considerate. In fact, Scripture calls us to all of those things.

But the Bible never calls us to be people-pleasers. Jesus didn’t call us to make everyone comfortable. He called us to follow Him.

And sometimes following Jesus means saying something that is uncomfortable—not because we want to hurt someone, but because we love them enough not to remain silent.

Sometimes silence isn’t kindness

I have been challenged by this thought: What if my silence is making someone feel comfortable while they are actually moving in the wrong direction? What if I know something isn’t right, but I don’t say anything because I am afraid of how the other person will react? What if I choose peace over truth—not biblical peace, but simply the absence of confrontation?

The Bible says:

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”
— Proverbs 27:6

That verse is uncomfortable… Because sometimes the loving thing is not the easiest thing to say. A genuine friend doesn’t deliberately wound. But genuine love is willing to have a difficult conversation when silence could allow someone to continue hurting themselves or others.

And that’s where I think I need to examine my own heart… Am I being kind, or am I simply trying to be liked? Am I speaking because I love the person—or remaining silent because I fear losing their approval? Those are very different motivations.

Jesus was compassionate—but He was never afraid of truth.. When I look at Jesus, I see the perfect balance.

• He was compassionate toward the broken.
• He touched the untouchable.
• He welcomed sinners.
• He wept with those who were grieving.
• He forgave.
• He restored.

But Jesus also confronted hypocrisy...

• He corrected His disciples.
• He told people difficult truths.
• He overturned the tables in the temple when worship had been corrupted.
• He called people to repentance.
• Jesus was never cruel—but neither was He controlled by people’s opinions of Him.

That challenges me.. Because sometimes I can confuse gentleness with silence and kindness with agreement… But Jesus shows us that you can be deeply loving and still speak truth. Paul puts it beautifully in Ephesians 4:15:

“Speaking the truth in love…”

Not truth without love… And not love without truth.

Truth without love can become harshness.
Love without truth can become compromise.

Biblical love needs both...

We are called to be salt and light

This is perhaps what has been sitting most heavily on my heart… Jesus said:

“You are the salt of the earth… You are the light of the world.”
— Matthew 5:13–14

Salt is supposed to preserve and influence… Light is supposed to illuminate what is in darkness. And neither salt nor light exists merely to make people comfortable. If we are called to be salt and light, then we are called to show the way.

• Not because we are better than anyone.
• Not because we have everything figured out.
• Not because we have been appointed to judge everyone around us…

But because Christ has called us to live differently. Our lives should point people toward Him.

• Sometimes that means showing kindness.
• Sometimes it means forgiving.
• Sometimes it means remaining silent and praying.

And sometimes it means lovingly saying, “I don’t think this is right.” That takes courage. And it also takes humility… Because before I point out someone else’s mistake, I need to allow God to examine mine.. Jesus’ teaching about removing the plank from our own eye before trying to remove the speck from someone else’s eye comes to mind here (Matthew 7:3–5). So biblical correction isn’t about becoming the judge of everyone around us. It begins with self-examination, humility, love and truth.

The danger of becoming lukewarm

There is another passage that came to mind as I thought about this.

“Because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”
— Revelation 3:16

I don’t believe Jesus is telling us that we must constantly be confrontational or that kindness is weakness… Rather, the warning is about a faith that has become compromised—neither fully devoted nor openly opposed… And perhaps that is another danger of constantly trying to please people.

We can slowly become so concerned about how others perceive us that we stop asking the more important question: “Lord, what do You want me to do?”. Galatians 1:10 brings me right back to that question…
Am I living for the approval of people?
Or am I living for the approval of God?

Those two motivations can look very similar on the outside, but eventually they lead us in very different directions.

Saul’s lesson

King Saul is a powerful example of this… When Samuel confronted Saul about his disobedience, Saul eventually admitted:

“I was afraid of the men and so I gave in to them.”
— 1 Samuel 15:24

Think about that… Saul knew what God had commanded. But the pressure of people became louder than the voice of God.. And I wonder how often we do something similar in smaller ways.

• We know what is right, but we hesitate.
• We know we should speak, but we remain silent.
• We know we should establish a boundary, but we say yes.
• We know we should correct something, but we are afraid of being misunderstood.
• We know God is asking us to stand firm, but we don’t want to disappoint people.

And slowly, without even realizing it, the fear of people can become louder than the fear of God. Proverbs 29:25 says:

“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.”

That word snare really stands out to me… Because people-pleasing can feel like kindness. It can even feel loving. But if it causes me to compromise what God is asking me to do, then it isn’t actually love.

Kindness may sometimes be uncomfortable

I am learning that biblical kindness isn’t always comfortable.. Sometimes kindness says: “I forgive you.”

Sometimes it says: “I understand.”

Sometimes it says: “Let me help you.”

But sometimes it also says: “This isn’t right.”

Sometimes it says: “I love you too much to pretend this is okay.”

And sometimes it says: “I need to step back from this because I don’t believe this is what God wants for either of us.”

None of those statements need to come from anger, pride or condemnation… They can come from love. Paul reminds us that love:

“does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”
— 1 Corinthians 13:6

That is a profound definition of love.

• Love doesn’t celebrate what destroys.
• Love doesn’t call wrong right simply because truth is uncomfortable.
• Love rejoices with the truth.

But I also need to check my heart…

There is something else I need to remember… It is very easy to use “speaking truth” as an excuse for speaking without grace.

• I can tell myself, “I’m just being honest,” when I am actually being insensitive.
• I can say, “I’m correcting them because I love them,” when I am actually trying to prove that I am right.
• I can hide pride behind biblical language.

So before I speak truth to someone else, I need to ask:
Is this really love?
Is this really necessary?
Is this the right time?
Am I speaking with humility?
Have I prayed about it?
Am I willing to listen as well as speak?
And most importantly—am I seeking God’s approval or theirs?

Because being a Christian isn’t about becoming the person who corrects everyone.. It is about becoming more like Christ. And Christ was full of grace and truth (John 1:14).

Perhaps the real question isn’t “Should I be nice?” Maybe the question I need to ask is: “Am I being faithful?”

• Faithful to God.
• Faithful to His Word.
• Faithful to the people He has placed around me.
• Faithful enough to encourage when encouragement is needed.
• Faithful enough to forgive when forgiveness is needed.
• Faithful enough to remain silent when silence is wiser.

And faithful enough to speak when silence would allow something harmful to continue. Because ultimately, I don’t want to spend my life trying to be liked by everyone. I want my life to point people toward Jesus.

I want to be salt when the world needs preservation, light when there is darkness, grace when there is brokenness, and truth when truth needs to be spoken.

And perhaps that is what Galatians 1:10 was reminding me that morning.

I am not called to win everyone’s approval.
I am called to faithfully follow Christ.

• If people approve of me, wonderful.
• If they misunderstand me, I can trust God.
• If speaking truth creates temporary discomfort, I can trust God.
• If doing what is right costs me someone’s approval, I can trust God.

Because my ultimate audience is not people. It is God.

And maybe being a little less concerned about being “nice” and a little more committed to being Christlike is something all of us need to learn.

• Not harsh.
• Not judgmental.
• Not self-righteous.

But loving enough to tell the truth, humble enough to examine ourselves, courageous enough to stand for what is right, and gracious enough to do it the way Jesus would.

A Prayer

Lord Jesus,

Search my heart and show me where I am more concerned about people’s approval than Yours. Give me the courage to speak when You want me to speak, the wisdom to remain silent when You want me to remain silent, and the humility to know the difference. Teach me not simply to be “nice,” but to be genuinely kind.

Help me to speak truth without becoming harsh, to correct without becoming proud, to establish boundaries without becoming selfish, and to love without compromising Your truth.

When I am afraid of how people may respond, remind me that I am first and foremost Your servant. Make me salt when You need me to preserve, light when You need me to shine, and a reflection of Christ wherever You have placed me.

And Lord, before I try to correct what I see in others, help me allow You to correct what is within me. May my words never be driven by pride, fear, anger or the desire to be right—but by love, truth, grace and obedience to You. And when following You means that I cannot please everyone, give me the courage to choose faithfulness over approval.

I don’t want to live for the applause of people.
I want my life to bring a smile to Your heart.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen